From their actions and inactions and their anger towards each other. Somewhere near Brussels.īoth my parents failed to protect me. It happened quickly but I remember it clearly. We were driving home to England after visiting Dad in Germany. My mum’s turn to total a car came a decade after Dad’s collision. But I imagine that for him there are also things that can never be forgiven. I’ve not heard Dad speak in terms of forgiveness. Somewhere on a dual carriageway he fell asleep at the wheel. Mum suggested he rest for a day at home in London and then drive up to meet her and my baby brother, who had flown to Scotland ahead of us. Later Mum told me she’d never forgive Dad for not paying for me to see a private doctor when we could have afforded it.Īnother thing she’d never forgive him for: the car accident in Scotland when I was a toddler. I was rushed to hospital where I had an operation. Not long after we moved to Germany a playground accident caused the undiagnosed tumour in my abdomen to swell up. Our GP in London couldn’t find anything wrong. At night I’d curl up with a pillow stuffed under my shirt. When I was small I had terrible stomach aches. Without Erwin they were now a family of five. Shortly before, they’d been offered five tickets on an upcoming boat to Australia.
In a refugee camp in Belgium grandpa’s little brother Erwin developed stomach pains. They applied to several countries for asylum. My grandpa fled Germany with his parents and siblings in 1938. Is an easy life a reward? If so, what for? I can only understand karma in terms of debts. She believes in karma or an approximation of it. If it’s my destiny there’s nothing I can do, she said, or something like that. What was gained and what was lost.ĭad once told me he never loved her, he was too young.Ī friend tells me it’s silly to feel anxious about getting caught up in a terrorist attack.
I don’t know where I got this story from but I cling to it. There was a party in Eden Park, Cincinnati. Afterwards I walked the unfamiliar streets in a daze. I felt guilty, I hadn’t known anyone in the towers. I cried with such intensity strangers came to comfort me. I went to a service marking the fifth anniversary of 9/11. We spent the day watching the news, eating takeaways. Staying with a friend near the Edgware Road.
But the longer I wait the more there is to say.
I keep waiting until I know enough to start writing. Saving Earth Britannica Presents Earth’s To-Do List for the 21st Century.Or so I hope.Britannica Beyond We’ve created a new place where questions are at the center of learning.100 Women Britannica celebrates the centennial of the Nineteenth Amendment, highlighting suffragists and history-making politicians.
Leap of faith meaning how to#
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